the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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