How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
