Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
