I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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