there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
