Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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