I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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