white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Found your dick twin last night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
