He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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