I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
