Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
