Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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