Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
