If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
