I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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