Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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