I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
