508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
