I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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