So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
