I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
