Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
