the new term for farting is butt boxing.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
