Nicole vs. Life
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
