You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
