I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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