A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
