why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
