I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
