Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
