she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
