forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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