ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
