So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
