Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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