She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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