Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
