he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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