Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
