you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
