I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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