Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
