my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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