K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
