I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
