there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
