Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm too high and old for this...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
