one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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