I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
