I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
